16 April 2012



Here I am. My first official day with no other title except mom. It’s something I’ve wanted for over ten years. And I’m so thankful to be getting the opportunity. It’s not something I thought I’d ever get the chance to do. Today is a good day. A really, really good day.

But, I’ve been kind of a wreck the past five weeks -- ever since I found out my consulting gig could be / would be coming to an end. When we moved, I thought I'd be at place I’m at today, then. My mind was ready for it. But as it turned out, I was lucky enough to have gotten to work from home for my company in Chicago -- the one I was familiar with, where I had been at for the past (now) eight years. It was comfortable, flexible, part-time and really gave me the best of both worlds. Even though being home has been a dream for a long time, I’m really not sure how I would have been going cold turkey into a stay-at-home role. Truth is, for the past twenty years, I’ve always had a job. It’s what I know. Working part-time from home gave me a bit of an outlet, while providing the flexibility of being home. I’m able to volunteer at the boy’s school, be home for them when they get off the bus, and take them to extra-curricular activities. It’s really good stuff.

I hope Brian’s life is easier not to have to worry about when the kids are off of school, or the fact that AT&T was here again today -- twice -- and he didn’t have to deal with it (it's still not fixed). He’s busy enough. And even though he says he misses child care, I hope C appreciates a bit of down time when he gets home. I can’t tell you how many times he would be so exhausted after picking him up at 6pm, that he wouldn’t even make it to dinner without falling asleep. I think me being home more has affected H and me most. H’s confidence has absolutely sky-rocketed this year. I know a lot of it has to due with age and maturity. Every child is different, but I believe that for him, just knowing I’m home if he needs me has been huge. And me? As much as I wish I were, I’ll never be a laid back person (gosh, do I wish I was). Working full-time with a travelling husband and children, frankly, completely stressed me out. And I like to think, even if it’s just a little bit, I might just be a bit more patient and maybe, just maybe, calmer.

(Are you still with me? Don’t worry, I won’t always be so wordy. I’m driving myself nuts! This is not the normal kind of posts I write.)

I never thought I’d be getting a chance like this, so what I’ve decided I’m going to do is simply enjoy it. I’m not going to lie -- not having guaranteed hours makes me really nervous. It has nothing to due with the fact that my kids can sometimes absolutely drive me crazy (they do), or feeling isolated (it happens). Rather, life is just so gosh darn expensive. Days like this where I have no other role, aren’t going to last forever. And so, for now, I look forward to a fun summer with the kids ... and will figure it out from there. There are not many opportunities in life when you can do that. I’m extremely grateful. Today is a new day. I'm going to enjoy it.


Brandon said...

That's a big change. Hopefully this is the worst part of it and it'll only get better.

Mel said...

Things have a funny way of working out for the best. You are right to enjoy this vista of time and certain to find something that fuels you professionally in no time!

Ali said...

You sound way better about the big change than you did previously. You will have another job. I will try to help you remember to enjoy this time off whenever I see/hear you stressing yourself out. We have a fun summer ahead of us!!!!

kswen said...

Enjoy your downtime this summer. I know you will. With your creativity and time management skills, I see something entrepreneurial in your future ...